Recipe For Smelliest Substance

919 g of white mineral oil as an inert carrier, and 20 g of skatole, 20 g of butanoic acid, 20 g of pentanoic acid, 20 g of hexanoic acid and 1 g of pentanethiol as the active ingredients.

Who says I don't do anything nice for you?

Now, keep in mind, this is an Internet recipe, which has all the certifiability of that homeless guy who screams that the government's out to get him. Because really, the Federal government really likes to target stinky people who beg for change. I think if I was in power I'd do that, not try and fix the problem. Just, you know, put crap in their medicine.

Back to the recipe. This is for Who Me? The stinkiest weapon of World War II.

This was supposed to be used by the French Resistance to make it seem as if the German officers crapped their pants, to screw up morale.

Only it often screwed up, and much like the atomic bomb, unleashed greater horrors than it stopped. It made even more stinky Frenchmen.

You can't see me, but I'm shuddering at my computer even now.

The Shame of A Nation.

Here.

Stupido

Mathcore.

Now, when you first hear the word, do you think about some teacher's phrasing, a radical new way of making math hip?

Probably. Actually, it'd be cooler if it were some cool new way of teaching kids math. I'd b e totally into mathcore if that were the case - hardcore math, imaginary numbers, all bunch of crazy shit.

But actually, it's a band style, sometimes referred to as "math metal." And if you listen to it, you are a nerd, I'm sorry. You are a musical nerd of the highest order.

It's called that because it's "technically proficient." Just thought I'd mention that - you must know your enemy before you destroy him and rape his women.

Which isn't to say that I'm ragging on ya. The girls probably do enough. No, you spend your life listening to pop music and figuring out new genres, mostly by figuring out whatever crazy ass noun you can attach -core to.

Now, I won't listen to it, because this beast seems like something that feeds on those that try to destroy it, much like Paris Hilton. You know, this whole article...my god, even this sentence...is just feeding the beast! By trying to stop it, I've only fed the idea that they're suffering for their artistic affections, when they're just trying to make martyrs out of themselves and get attention, and a level of distinction - because unlike you, you worthless peon, they suffer for their art. They listen to mathcore. You know, because math and music are something that just go so well together.

You know what? As God as my witness, I will try and take the word "mathcore" back. Because damnit, we have enough stupid terms for one-band genres. We're gonna get the kids to like math, teach them really hardcore math - mathcore!

It'd be cooler than what they're doing, anyway.

Headlines

Stolen from Rotten.com.

Teen Murderer Says Jail is Too Hard, Appeals Sentence.

You know, someone had to try it. Sure, they knew they had to fail, but still.

Sleeping Man's Genitals Set on Fire By Girlfriend.

I don't know, I still think they got a shot. As in a 36 calibre, but still.

Headlines

Teen alleges abuse at samurai slaying trial

Now, see, I thought this was about a samurai being slayed. But actually, it was about a guy killing his pop with a samurai sword. Decent, but not as cool as a samurai being slayed. Because, really, how do you kill a samurai? After all, you can't just go up there and try and kill them, because they'll block you. They sleep with their eyes open. And if you try and snipe them from far away, their ears will pick it up, run towards you, and cut you like you were a turkey on Thanksgiving.

I know two guys who're gonna beat up today:

Two Miss. Inmates Thwart Force Escape Attempt.