The Guy

This guy was everything I hate about everything. And yet, he was so perfectly hateable, that I'm not sure if I hated him.

He was a jock. He had broad shoulders, perfect posture. A complete asshole. I met him in the elevators.

He had this racing motorcycle type jacket on, with a jock haircut, and basketball shorts. On the motorcycle jacket was a map of the world, all done in white with outlines representing the countries, with flags over top of certain countries.

He mentioned to his buddy (that's what they call their friends) "Going to the gym?"

The friend replied yes.

"Fuckin' a."

With that, he left.

Racism

Anyway, in my History class, we were talking about 20th century culture. We began to talking about Davey Crockett, and how the hats he wore became popular. Then, after about sixty seconds, something clicked. I raised my hand.

"Wait a second. COON-skin hats?"
"Yes..." the teacher replied.
"Doesn't that seem...racially insensitive."
The teacher laughed. "Well, yeah, I guess so. Never thought about it that way."
The only person besides me and the teacher to laugh was my black friend, Vijay.

My Musical Nerd Story

I have this friend. He considers himself a musical conniseur, especially of 60s pop.

I mentioned I like The Zombies. In a musical challenge, he said, "What songs?"

I told him a string of minor hits, but ones I found better than their major hit, "Time of The Season."

He cut me off, saying that I forgot "Time of the Season."

Not giving a fuck, I left it.

Random Thought of the Day

Nihilism's too easy to be true.

Don't You Hate Intellectuals?

"My enlightenment's bigger'n yours."

Funny Words

Hey everybody, now you can start your own t-shirt line. Just put this on, and it's t-shirt comedy gold!

The fit hit the shan.
Yuck fou!
Bick my lalls!
Iss My Kass!
Sockcucker!
Be's a shitch!
Ock Foff!

And so on. Send me fifty dollars if you make any money.

See! Smart people can make up words, too!

Dexamethasone fails to suppress cortisol with endogenous depression.

New Blog

Hey.

Sorry about the lack of updates. Been in a coma.

Anyway, turns out I created a blog in my coma-induced state. They're that easy.

Check it out here.

Truth is Stranger Than Fiction...

The ultimate villian: a Nazi cult leader pedophile.

Check him out here.

Wrestlers: A Lesson In Tragedy

Had an interesting conversation about wrestlers. We had a talk about wrestlers like Hulk Hogan, Ric Flair...guys who're pushing 60, and yet continue to wrestle. Why?

Well, let's look at some guys who left wrestling.

"Stone Cold" Steve Austin: A character who portrayed a beer guzzling redneck as a wrestler, he's suffering a James Dean fate - where the character and the man become intertwined, and the fates befalling the man are the real life fate that would surely befall the character.

I write this with my head firmly in my ass.

Anyway, the "redneck wrapped in an enigma," as Rotten.com describes him, recently separated from his soft core porn girlfriend, Tess Broussard. "He says she pointed a gun at his head, threw steaks at him during a midnight barbecue, verbally and physically abused him, and in the summer of 2004, he claims she stabbed his business manager with a steak knife." He left after suffering from a neck injury that prevented him from properly wrestling. He's trying to become an actor.

Joannie "Chyna" Laurer: At one time the first ever women's winner of the Intercontinental Title, she left the WWF, tried to kill herself, was often publicly drunk, and starred in an abysmal hardcore porn movie entitled "1 Night In China."

Bret Hart: Was robbed of his title on his last night out. Is currently no where.

Andre the Giant: Died 47. Heart attack, after years of back problems.

Mr. Perfect: Fired for starting a fight with The Big Show (7 foot) drunkenly. Killed himself a week later.

Lex Luger: Kicked out for steroid use. He's in porn now: Spanking Master 2. I think. It could be another actor named Lex Luger, possibly. But as we've seen here, most guys don't have nice endings.

Goldberg: Currently starring in "Santa's Slay" - evil Santa movie. Classy.

Funny Story

From the Straight Dope

Regarding the question about average penis sizes, I was reminded of an almost certainly apocryphal anecdote. Seems that in the latter part of the cold war Russia was allowed some limited trade with the U.S. Some nameless institution ordered 50,000 condoms from an American plant (located in Texas, I like to think). The order specified that the condoms were to be 11 inches long. The Americans scratched their heads, called the Russians to verify the measurement, and were rudely told that the order was correct, all of the condoms should be 11 inches long. So the Americans proceeded to fill the order and shipped the Russians 50,000 11-inch condoms-- in boxes labeled "medium." Heh heh heh. --Craig Becker, Austin, Texas

Ladies and Gentleman, I Am Attempting The Impossible

Just to let you know, a follow-up to yesterday's blog.

I illegally download music. But the cops will never catch me. Kazaa's made everyone Robin Hood.

But if everyone's Robin Hood, that means no more poor. Anyway.

I have 2000+ songs on my hard drive.
I know most of the artists names and their songs.
But not the albums.
That will be fixed.

Later.

Top 25 Songs, Again, No Particular Order...

1. Nappy Roots - Po' Folks
2. Mozart - Requiem No. 7
3. Donovan - Poor Cow
4. The Delgados - Light Before We Land
5. MC Chris - DQ Blizzard.
6. Johnny Cash - Boy Named Sue.
7. Bob Dylan - He Was A Friend of Mine
8. Buddy Holly - Crying, Hoping, Waiting.
9. The Darkness - Love is Only A Feeling.
10. The Herd - Paradise Lost.
11. B.B. King - Why I Sing The Blues
12. The Jam - Absolute Beginners.
13. Cypress Hill - The Last Assassin.
14. Chubby Checker - Hucklebuck.
15. Sly and The Family Stone - M'Lady.
16. John Barry - Beat Girl.
17. Tom Waits - Earth Died Screaming.
18. Stereolab - La Boob Oscillator.
19. Malcolm McLaren - About Her.
20. Zombies - Beechwood Park.
21. The Specials - Pressure Drop.
22. Jefferson Airplane - Somebody To Love.
23. Trashmen - Surfing Bird.
24. Wynton Marsalis - RJ.
25. Charles Mingus - Hog Callin' Blues.