I'm On Google! Hurray!

I knew if I kept talking and talking, someone somewhere had to listen.

I mean, you can actually google this webpage, kind of, if you type in my name, blogspot, and the title.

So hurray.

Soon, you will be able to find people's souls on google. The only hit you'll find will be this one.

I enjoy this.

By the way, if you type in Marshall McMahon, I'm over Ed MacMahon. So fuck you, Ed MacMahon! You may have just won thirty million dollars worth of ass-kicking!

By the way, how on Earth do people know about this website? I haven't told anyone. Seriously. I've told like maybe 5 people. But everybody seems to get it across...how? How, I say? Who squealed? Huh? Huh? I'll kill you! I kill you all! I Marshall Mcmahon! You fuck with me, you fuckin' with the best!

Yeah, it's been a good run. Now I'm on Google, sort of fame, along with poop fetish websites, pedophile clubs, and the Ku Klux Klan. So hurray.

Just remember, this site is mostly for humour. I've sort of got my internet back, so I'll try and publish more. Because I go on and check websites daily, and nothing pisses me more than going to a blank website. So I've been pissing off a lot of people.

But just remember, I don't think about this website. I type it, forget it, then bag it. The fact is, this is like a quantum miracle, a thing I thought so unlikely as to never have happened.

So, in the attempt to get it back down to unpopular levels, I'd like to say screw everyone except me. Yeah, that includes you. I know a friend of a friend of yours, and I hate you. You suck. Go home and die.

I am a greasy little bastard. Seriously, not being ironic.

So yeah.

Smokey the Bear Sutra

Stolen from wikisource.org

Once in the Jurassic about 150 million years ago, the Great Sun Buddha in this corner of the Infinite Void gave a Discourse to all the assembled elements and energies: to the standing beings, the walking beings, the flying beings, and the sitting beings — even grasses, to the number of thirteen billions, each one born from a seed, assembled there: a Discourse concerning Enlightenment on the planet Earth.

"In some future time, there will be a continent called America. It will have great centers of power called such as Pyramid Lake, Walden Pond, Mt. Rainier, Big Sur, Everglades, and so forth; and powerful nerves and channels such as Columbia River, Mississippi River, and Grand Canyon. The human race in that era will get into troubles all over its head, and practically wreck everything in spite of its own strong intelligent Buddha-nature."

"The twisting strata of the great mountains and the pulsings of volcanoes are my love burning deep in the earth. My obstinate compassion is schist and basalt and granite, to be mountains, to bring down the rain. In that future American Era I shall enter a new form; to cure the world of loveless knowledge that seeks with blind hunger: and mindless rage eating food that will not fill it."

And he showed himself in his true form of

SMOKEY THE BEAR

• A handsome smokey-colored brown bear standing on his hind legs, showing that he is aroused and watchful.
• Bearing in his right paw the Shovel that digs to the truth beneath appearances; cuts the roots of useless attachments, and flings damp sand on the fires of greed and war;
• His left paw in the Mudra of Comradely Display — indicating that all creatures have the full right to live to their limits and that deer, rabbits, chipmunks, snakes, dandelions, and lizards all grow in the realm of the Dharma;
• Wearing the blue work overalls symbolic of slaves and laborers, the countless men oppressed by a civilization that claims to save but often destroys;
• Wearing the broad-brimmed hat of the West, symbolic of the forces that guard the Wilderness, which is the Natural State of the Dharma and the True Path of man on earth: all true paths lead through mountains—
• With a halo of smoke and flame behind, the forest fires of the kali-yuga, fires caused by the stupidity of those who think things can be gained and lost whereas in truth all is contained vast and free in the Blue Sky and Green Earth of One Mind;
• Round-bellied to show his kind nature and that the great earth has food enough for everyone who loves her and trusts her;
• Trampling underfoot wasteful freeways and needless suburbs; smashing the worms of capitalism and totalitarianism;
• Indicating the Task: his followers, becoming free of cars, houses, canned foods, universities, and shoes; master the Three Mysteries of their own Body, Speech, and Mind; and fearlessly chop down the rotten trees and prune out the sick limbs of this country America and then burn the leftover trash.

Wrathful but Calm. Austere but Comic. Smokey the Bear will Illuminate those who would help him; but for those who would hinder or slander him,

HE WILL PUT THEM OUT.

Thus his great Mantra:

Namah samanta vajranam chanda maharoshana

Sphataya hum traka ham nam

"I DEDICATE MYSELF TO THE UNIVERSAL DIAMOND.

BE THIS RAGING FURY DESTROYED"

And he will protect those who love woods and rivers, Gods and animals, hobos and madmen, prisoners and sick people, musicians, playful women, and hopeful children.

And if anyone is threatened by advertising, air pollution, television, or the police, they should chant SMOKEY THE BEAR'S WAR SPELL:

DROWN THEIR BUTTS

CRUSH THEIR BUTTS

DROWN THEIR BUTTS

CRUSH THEIR BUTTS

And SMOKEY THE BEAR will surely appear to put the enemy out with his vajra-shovel.

• Now those who recite this Sutra and then try to put it in practice willl accumulate merit as countless as the sands of Arizona and Nevada.
• Will help save the planet Earth from total oil slick.
• Will enter the age of harmony of man and nature.
• Will win the tender love and caresses of men, women, and beasts.
• Will always have ripe blackberries to eat and a sunny spot under a pine tree to sit at.
• AND IN THE END WILL WIN HIGHEST PERFECT ENLIGHTENMENT.

thus have we heard.

Funny News Stories

Stolen from Daily Rotten.

"I got my money back, hell yeah."

This story is kind of funny, because it's exactly the kind of thing I'd do.

Great pick up line from a karate lesbian:

“You have been summoned to cupid’s court for being as fit as f***.

“If found guilty, you will be sentenced to unlimited hot sex with me. How do you plead?”

The News Is Funny

Grace Under Fire
Man, I have got to start watching Nancy Grace more. It's a great tension, and the kind of show I'd run if some guy ever gave me a spot on CNN. Who's she gonna kill next?

Al-Qaeda threatens a jihad over the Pope's comments.

"Oh yeah? So you say Islam is plagued by violence, huh? Huh? Well, just for that, we're gonna kill every Christian we see! Yeah! Praise Allah!'"

Osama bin Laden has no sense of irony.

By the way, since they say that they're gonna break the cross and spill the wine, fight back by eating ham sandwiches. Lots of ham sandwiches.

I'm Back

Okay, so I was gone for a while and lost my readers, but I can explain.

I had no internet. It killed me. I'm actually stealing this internet from my brother in the dorm room next to me.

He's come! I must leave.

But I am back, now that.

So hide your daughters, destroy any alcohol you have, and don't accept candy from strangers.