We Are Living In The Matrix

When I was in Medicine Hat visiting relatives, I peroused the mall. In one store, I saw this DVD, "Faux Fire." It was a video-recording of a fire for $6.99. How insane, I thought.

So when I went to my uncle's house for a party, they were showing it on a television. It had grainy resolution.

IT WAS RIGHT NEXT TO A REAL FIREPLACE.

Hence, we are living in the Matrix.

I Got Nothing

I really don't. I've been studying too much.

On Pimpin

My question is, are there specialized pimps? You know, are there pimps that specialize in discount prostitutes, ones that specialize in a certain race?

For that matter, what if a pimp has or develops a certain fetish? Does that force him to specialize?

Does a pimp decide his prostitute's wardrobe? Since he controls all their money, he's the one buying the clothes. Does he do research into what your average John finds attractive? Or does he leave it to the ho's discretion?

This is what I think about in my free time.

The Legions of Hell Are Riding On My Tail...

I must be brief. My brain is turning to mush, while Yngwie Malmsteen plays in the background...

Oh, hey, remember Nay? His last name is Nay Laywine. I would pay every dollar I ever make to see that guy in prison.

Oh, and by the way, am I the only one who thinks that phrases should not be on shirts? You know, what's the last really funny phrase you saw on a t-shirt? That's right, you didn't.

That is all. No more. That is my post.

No Post

I have too much to do.

I give you this. May you be spiritually fulfilled and fabulously wealthy.

Killing Zombies

Okay, here's a question for all five of my readers: Which dead person would you like to see come back as a zombie?

Me, I'd like to see Zombie Robert Wadlow, the man who was larger than eight feet. Just because he was scary enough as an eight-foot-tall nerd. Now, he'd be pants-crappable scary.

Everyone knows there are no stupid questions, but I think this one just broke the rule.

I Live An Odd Life

It was one of those moments were you watch yourself doing something.

I was getting noodles out of my shoe with a single chopstick above a garbage pail.

There was a good reason for each.

First off, I had stepped in some noodles that I was cooking. I had held the plate up with one hand, and the drained noodles in another. Some fell off in this tricky maneuver.

I forgot about this later, so I stepped in some of the noodles.

Then I needed something to scrap it out, and all I had was some chopsticks to use.

An Idea For A Band

My band idea is for "Big Brother and his Ministry of Information."

Big Brother is the leader, only present on the screen at the beginning. He starts away by saying how we're at war with Eastasia, and how we should destroy them. Then the band goes into its hit single, "War with Eastasia." It rocks the crowd.

They go into their other big hits, "Anti-Sexy," "War Is Peace," etc. Then, halfway through the show, some random schmoe from the audience gets to be declared a traitor to the state, with his picture put on the big screen, which begins the Two Minute Hate, where they describe how much they hate him. Which leads to the song, "Two Minute Hate," which is exactly two minutes.
Then we continue on with the show, gradually switching the lyrics. Finally, Big Brother concludes with saying how much they hate Eurasia.

Finally, Big Brother defends his people against the hordes of Eurasia with his awesome power chords.

Fin.

The Simpsons And Life

I don't like people who talk about how great The Simpsons is. So I won't talk about that. Rather, I'll talk about how The Simpsons is becoming life.

Right now, it's the longest running cartoon show. Five more years, it'll be the longest running television show. Now, what makes The Simpsons unique is that if it keeps running, it'll become life.

A story represents one probability amongst the billions of probabilities in life.
If each character is simply a cipher that we identify with, then eventually, every probability will be described by the Simpsons. Every event in our life will have a reference to a Simpsons episode. We will see our life before it happens. We will see Bart become an accountant before we do. We will have a line from The Simpsons for every event in our lives. We won't process anything anymore, it will be Simpsons-memory. Every moment will be a deja vu. Like the monkeys on the typewriter, only Harvard-educated monkeys, to make it faster and available every Sunday.

My Philosophy

You will have to work for everything you want, and will receive everything you do not want.

Simplified in extremis, but fuck you, it's a good little platitude.

Orwellian Studying

Just something that came up. I find myself increasingly using pseudo-Newspeak in my notes. Like, instead of middle class, I'll write midclass.

Which makes me wonder if some teacher'll get that idea. And just to make it easier to remember, we'll all speak Newspeak.

Remember, when Big Brother is bearing down on you for thoughtcrime, studying won't seem as important.

- From the Petulant, Teenage Blogger.