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Sunday, October 29, 2006
Top 10 Ronald Reagan Films That Could Also Be Porn Movies
1. She's working her way through college. 2. Schlick's Playhouse of Stars. 3. Juke Girl. 4. Alice In Movieland. 5. Naughty But Nice. 6. Girls On Probation. 7. Boy Meets Girl 8. Swing Your Lady. 9. The Amazing Dr. Clitterhouse. 10. The Girl From Jones Beach.
Old man does Dirty Harry impression on two young punks.
OMAHA, Neb. - Two robbers who thought they had an easy mark in a 68-year-old Omaha man were surprised on Sunday. Police said Earnest Coleman was sitting in his car outside an Omaha grocery store when a young man jumped into the passenger seat with a gun and demanded Coleman's money. ADVERTISEMENT
Coleman responded by grabbing the robber and his gun, and exchanging blows. A second robber came to Coleman's window and hit the elderly man, police said.
Undeterred, Coleman pulled that man into the car and began to hit him, too. The two robbers then ran away — without Coleman's money and without the gun.
Police are reviewing surveillance footage from security cameras, a spokesman said.
The robbers appeared to be teenagers, Coleman said.
There's more of the ultimate warrior craziness if you want it. I'd write more, about his comic book where he conquered the North Pole and put Santa into bondage, about how he threatened a libel suit to a humour website, how he became a conservative commentator after he left wrestling.
But I won't, because if he's read what I just wrote, he's on the phone with his lawyer right now. Hell, he's probably on the phone right now.
By the way, what's with his chest muscles in the video? It looks like it's got a line connecting the shoulders to each other.
Evolutionary theorist Oliver Curry of the London School of Economics expects a genetic upper class and a dim-witted underclass to emerge.
The human race would peak in the year 3000, he said - before a decline due to dependence on technology.
People would become choosier about their sexual partners, causing humanity to divide into sub-species, he added.
The descendants of the genetic upper class would be tall, slim, healthy, attractive, intelligent, and creative and a far cry from the "underclass" humans who would have evolved into dim-witted, ugly, squat goblin-like creatures.
I live in Toronto, and there's a video store there, I won't say which, because apparently everybody knows about this blog somehow. But it's quickly developing into a Cold War of sorts.
They show movies on the background, and the first time I went there, they were playing this horrible screeching music. I thought, okay, maybe it'll stop. But it kept on going. It kept on aggravating me. I wonder, what kind of show is this? What madman, or experimental filmmaker or whatever could be making this horrid episode? I remarked this out loud, and I'm pretty sure they heard me. So it keeps going on, I keep desparately trying to find a movie. Finally, I get to the counter, and see the movie.
Only, it's not a movie. It's a dvd menu. They hadn't even been playing anything. I paid, and I run out the store. Literally run, because God that was annoying.
So the next time I come there, it's the same guy - Braceface - stupid annoying teenager - and so, remembering my hatred, try to get out of there as soon as possible. Only, I'm a bit curt. My brother tells me to "cool down." And now Braceface is quickly trying to diplomatically isolate me. Damn Braceface.
And yesterday, when I tried to return the movie, it was closed. 5 minutes early. So now I'm pissed at Suspect Video.
But, because I am a consumer slave, and because they still have the best videos. So I'm going to keep shopping there. Because I am not there for Braceface, or the background noise, or the hours. I'm there for the movies, and my hatred of them has still not overwhelmed my love for rare movies.
Yet.
By the way, movie review - from the trailers of that new movie, Mr. Woodcock - shouldn't it be subtitled, An Oedipal Complex Comedy? I mean, guy is trying to beat the father to please the mother and fight him for his affections, to overtake the stronger male, rather than identifying with him, and I'm sure that eventually he's going to come to terms with it. I mean, people say Hollywood isn't subversive, but to take a 30 year old man and submit that he'd actually fight the man.
Anyway, trailer's here, so you can see what I mean. I'm sucking at the 1.65 billion dollar Youtube teat, of course. I wasn't bottle-trained.
Okay, we all know we're polluting the environment. But what were to happen if humans were to leave the planet tomorrow? What if we were all to be wiped out at once? What would that mean for the Earth?
INSPIRED BY A SWORD WEARING GURSIKH SWORD My sword is my companion my warrior and friend, Not to be offensive but sworn to defend, The infusion of steel runs through my veins, Making me immune from sorrow and pain, My sword is the protector of the needy and poor, When oppression becomes a disease my sword is the cure, My sword sings the song of selfless love, It lives in harmony with law from above, The flash of my Guru’s sword awakens the sleeping soul, Without the sword I can never be whole, The sword of the Guru is the giver of life, Before the soul was barren now it is ripe, I am the saint and the soldier that walks in peace, I am the humble dust of your feet, But don’t think my spirituality makes me weak, The heavens will roar if my sword were to speak, Death is my bride, fear is my friend, My Guru’s path is the map heaven sent, To Follow the path, surrender your whole, The power of the Guru’s sword will give light to your soul.
David Zucker made the Naked Gun movies, so I like him even more. That shit's funny, that's good stupid funny. The kind you can show you're kid.
But now he's blasting the Democrats, so he's right wing. But the ad's kind of a little bit of a tiny part of funny anyways. But it's a blast against politics, and really stupid for a politic ad. Stupid and politics don't mix. Stupidness should only be involved with its amour terrible, anger, and it's best-friend-who-secretly-pines-for-him-but-won't-express-her-feelings, humour.
But he's forever going to be tainted by politics, and the Naked Gun movies are the tiniest bit lesser for it.
Finally, my internet came. The internet, internet, internet...took me three hours. One hour was waiting for the guy. Another hour for the technician to work his magic. Another hour to get through customer service to deal with it. After waiting a month for the technician to finally arrive, after missing him for two other times.
Damn, I hate the monopoly Rogers has. They've even got the other guys from another Wireless company working for them.
So more posts, more craziness, more stupid ramblings.
Stupidness and angriness are like the best of lovers - they feed off each other, compliment each other, are the counterpoints to each others souls, and ultimately you really can't have one without the other.
For example, I was playing Starcraft, because I am a nerd, of course. Now, I couldn't beat this level - there were too many factors, too many enemies coming out on me at all sides. I'd been getting increasingly angry with it, which made me play more stupidly. So I saved my game and shut it off. Came back, and I won. Angriness fed stupidness.
Or, when you lose your case. In this case, your stupidness feeds your angriness, and you wish your keys were people, so that you could blow them away with a shotgun. Then you get angrier, then you get more stupid, and so on, and so on. It's a lovely cycle, usually broken only by a stroke of luck - you find your keys.
So if you get angry, treat yourself as if you're stupid, and explain it in the simplest possible language. After all, Wittgenstein said philosophy was all about trying to decipher language (I think...I may have read it wrong.) Treat it simply, explain it to yourself like you were a five-year-old, examining everything you know. If you do that, and you still can't do it, go away from the situation, and calm down. Do something else.
Of course, if you're looking for your keys and you have to leave in 5 minutes, just keep looking angrily and hopefully you won't be stupid enough to lose them and miss your meeting and then the guys all look at you funny and ask "Why weren't you at the meeting?" and you try to lie but you can't come up with anything because you're thinking about all the people staring at you and come on they all made that mistake but you didn't say anything and oh no they're still staring and just tell the truth don't no don't just yes...and then you feel a slight pain on the back of your head from when you hit the table while fainting.
You've just been hit by a public display of affection by les amant terribles, stupidness and angriness.
