The Cutest Li'l Ho

My sexlife can be summed up in a single line -

"This is a joke, right?"

This is the big one before Emotional Holocaust. Seriously, after that one, your computer screen will be weeping. Then melt, because computers can't feel.

But first, the cutest li'l ho = Lucy.

Now, Lucy may have liked me, or she may have stuck to her role way, way longer than humanly possibly.

Lucy was another MSN person. Now, in school, she was basically one of the girls from Mean Girls. You know, making fun of people, being bitchy, being popular, holding parties, getting drunk. A party girl. Not my idealized type. A girl who teased people, made fun of them.

So, she comes up and says that she likes me likes me on MSN. Of course, I was weirded out, so I responded:

"This is a joke, right?"

She insisted it wasn't. I insisted it was. It kept on, and she left.

Now, the next three years, she kept it up. I gotta hand it to her.

She started teasing me, mock sexually touching me. Her friends got in the act, too. Because that's what mean girls do - tease nice boys.

Now, one mean girl liking me, that's lottery-likely, but her friends all doing so? That's winning-lottery-while-getting-struck-by-lightning likely. So now, some girl's interested, I'm gonna think it's a joke. I'm not that handsome, I'm a muttering nerd.

They kept touching me, and sadly, it was one of the only times I've ever been touched by a female. Oh Lordy, lordy, lor-dee..this is a joke.

It was weird. You know, it's one of those really vague memories, but I remember it was gym class. (This was high school, just so you know. So that's a whole shit-storm of new sexual politics about teasing to get attention.)

Anyway, we were in the gym, I hear something like, "I like (My name.)" I jokingly say, "Ah ha, Lucy, you were talking about me, eh?"

She replies, "Oh no, I was talking about (the one other kid in the school with my name.)."

It kept going on, we moved on. Quite literally, I moved to Toronto for college. It was over, and I stirred, alone.

Until 2005 Eve, on a crazy-ass New Year's Party, which is another post in and of itself. Maybe after Emotional Holocaust.

The New Year's Party. We're at a place she has to herself, with another bunch of dudes. We get to talking, and I was feeling pretty good, pretty light, so I let my guard down. She starts to take my arm, I think.

Then I look back, pause, and say, "My God, you really liked me."

She smiled. Now, either she thought,

"Ah. He finally realizes it. Although, too much has passed. We're separated, and the feelings are gone. What folly."

or...

"Gotcha, bitch!"

It all depends on whatever side of the manichean coin you flip, I guess, based on my biased telling of the story.

I'd tell you which side I believe she really felt, but I'd be a fool either way.