The Modesty of the Kool-Aid Man

The Kool-Aid Man is classic marketing. I'm sure all of us would like a glass to burst through solid concrete and replenish us with flavour. However, he's undergone a change in the recent past.

This is the classic Kool-Aid Man, with ice in his head, pitcher in hand, and the threat of destruction in his eyes. The symbol of corporate liberation we've all come to love. The sheer naked libido of flavour.

However, the Kool-Aid Man is changing. This is what he looks like now

You'll notice one thing - pants and a loose shirt. And shoes. I'm guessing somebody realized that the Kool-Aid Man was essentially bare-ass naked through all these years, jumping through peoples walls and going Oh yeah! That's a prelude to a sexual assault, man, if you're going that way. Although I guess if you probably were going to sexually assault someone, it would probably be the best way possible.

And you know, I can just see some marketing guy trying to re-invigorate the fucking Kool Aid Man by giving him cargo shorts and sneakers.

Hey, marketing guys - why no bulge in his pants? If he's been naked all this time and you finally constrained him, why no bulge?

Man, times like this I wish at the Kraft Foods marketing meeting wall, grab all those lousy marketing pigs, and just drown him in himself.

"Oh yeah!"

I'm also going to write about the betrayal of the Alphabits wizard. Because this is what I and many others like myself think about. And the Kool-Aid Man's anatomy.