My Adventures In Telemarketing, Or, Why I'm A Bastard
Okay, this is as close to an exciting war story you'll get in telemarketing, so listen up, listen good, soldier.
Okay, now the goal in telemarketing is to go home. That's the main incentive, that's what you want to do - to end the torment... they say this, that's the goal.
The goal was 240 to go home.
Now, I'd been doing pretty good that night, and I got a really large donation, the hugest I've seen in weeks - 75 - from a family that was trying to get their youngest son a passport. So yeah, hurray for immigrants. I got 250 - I got home.
I was feeling cocky, so I saunter up to the front, saying that I've got enough. Only now I go up, someone else's taken my trip home! Damn him or her!
(While I was up there, I was supposed to ring the bell, but I decided not to - that would get the boss yelling and all these people clapping, really distracting loud noises meant to boost morale. Because really, when you're talking on a phone, don't you really want really loud background noise?)
Then it's 8:30. The cheeky young boss(TM) announces that the person who gets the most by 9 will get to go. Hurray.
I get to do very well, ending up with about 100 dollars - which is about what we get from calling people up who donated before. (We like to say it's one-time.)
Only, the problem is someone else has claimed my throne. The cheeky young boss has announced it.
It's this nice older lady who I talk to sometimes. We compared how much we got sometimes, friendly competition.
In this, it's a constant "Whose is bigger" contest at this job, who's gotten the most money. I usually fail.
But this time I won, because she only had 95 dollars, which the boss announced.
Only now, I say to the guy I'm talking to that I'll have to call him back. Without introducing myself. After asking how he's doing.
(This is quite a change. Usually, no matter
So then I'm running up, telling him that I got five more dollars.
She's disappointed, questioning, "But...but you announced me first, I told you first..."
"Sorry, but she got five more dollars than you!"
So then I got off half an hour earlier,
And I go home, and I'm happy, and she's disappointed. The competition runs deeper now, thicker, like a cut in muscle.
Boy, what a good job.
Okay, now the goal in telemarketing is to go home. That's the main incentive, that's what you want to do - to end the torment... they say this, that's the goal.
The goal was 240 to go home.
Now, I'd been doing pretty good that night, and I got a really large donation, the hugest I've seen in weeks - 75 - from a family that was trying to get their youngest son a passport. So yeah, hurray for immigrants. I got 250 - I got home.
I was feeling cocky, so I saunter up to the front, saying that I've got enough. Only now I go up, someone else's taken my trip home! Damn him or her!
(While I was up there, I was supposed to ring the bell, but I decided not to - that would get the boss yelling and all these people clapping, really distracting loud noises meant to boost morale. Because really, when you're talking on a phone, don't you really want really loud background noise?)
Then it's 8:30. The cheeky young boss(TM) announces that the person who gets the most by 9 will get to go. Hurray.
I get to do very well, ending up with about 100 dollars - which is about what we get from calling people up who donated before. (We like to say it's one-time.)
Only, the problem is someone else has claimed my throne. The cheeky young boss has announced it.
It's this nice older lady who I talk to sometimes. We compared how much we got sometimes, friendly competition.
In this, it's a constant "Whose is bigger" contest at this job, who's gotten the most money. I usually fail.
But this time I won, because she only had 95 dollars, which the boss announced.
Only now, I say to the guy I'm talking to that I'll have to call him back. Without introducing myself. After asking how he's doing.
(This is quite a change. Usually, no matter
So then I'm running up, telling him that I got five more dollars.
She's disappointed, questioning, "But...but you announced me first, I told you first..."
"Sorry, but she got five more dollars than you!"
So then I got off half an hour earlier,
And I go home, and I'm happy, and she's disappointed. The competition runs deeper now, thicker, like a cut in muscle.
Boy, what a good job.
posted by Marshall McMahon at 3:18 AM
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