G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero?

Cobra is odd by any standard definition of terrorist. They seek vague goals (rule the world...in what sense? Economically? Politically? Willfully). They are multinational, well-funded, well-financed, and have targeted the American mainland on numerous locations. They do this without the influence of sleeper cells, bombings, or any of the typical methods of a standard terrorist organization.

Some thing bugged me throughout the cartoons. No, it wasn't how no one ever got shot. It wasn't how Cobra was completely ineffectual, despite being in such a sweet-spot for blowing up shit, despite America's security restrictions. In the G.I. Joe movie, they were able to get guys to the Statue of Liberty, an entire floating aircraft carrier through to U.S. airspace, in the most populated city in America. Total damage: One camera guy.

It can only be compared to getting Jessica Alba to the prom, then saying you have homework when she moves in on you.

And this happened every damn time Cobra did anything.

If you ignore how the law of averages was ignored, there's still one problem. Cobra has tanks, jets, airplane carriers, and Armageddon devices. Why won't you ever see Osama bin Laden driving down Afghanistan in his custom made Osama-mobile? Because that requires certain things. Industrial capital, for one. Dedicated engineers. Regular maintenance. Funds for upkeep. A single F-18 costs $35 million just to BUILD. And this is assuming that they can simply bypass all the regulations.

This requires sophistication, something independent companies simply can't make. It's just too much. You can't buy an F-18. It's too big. You'd need a country supporting you.

I came up with a theory. Now, this was the 80s. The Cold War was on. It was the Soviets, getting back at their enemies, with Cobra organization. Until I read this comic.


In this one, G.I. Joe fights alongside October Guard, the Russian equivalent of Cobra. People are threatened, and there's nothing to indicate that this is a staged fight. They both fight Cobra.

So, who funds Cobra? Who created it?

I'm going to say it right now. I think it could be a conspiracy by the U.S.

Do they have an opportunity? Well, let me say this. You are the U.S. government. or the Russian government. You find this creepy Scotsman, Destro, who has the facilities to make trains, planes, and fucking tanks. He's the most sophisticated mack daddy out there. He's willing to lie about things - he knows about covering things up. He's got a mask on that he wears at all times. You've got the engineers, some of whom you now will do bastardly things and they won't care.

Do they have the means? Both the Russians and the U.S. had sophisticated military advancement and more money spending on the military than any others.

The question is motive. Who benefits most by daring, high-tech attacks, mostly on American targets? The Russians? Why would the Russians continue to support the organization after they failed to make a single inroad into "conquering the world?" By all accounts, Cobra is a fascist/capitalist organization. Would you want these people to "conquer the world?"

The military-industrial complex.

So. It is my theory that Cobra was created by the military-industrial complex, the people who create the F-18s to create someone to fight other people with F-18s. Cobra never wins, but it makes public attacks to keep people scared and paying for G.I. Joe.

This is my conspiracy theory. This is what I think about.