The Problem With Vaginas
Penile insecurity is rampant in our society. Spam in our e-mail boxes. "All natural" cures infomercials late at night.
Now, the reasons for this are plentiful. Porno thugs with penises nearly as big as mine. There's a whole other list of reasons for this, but I'll offer up another theory as to why penis fear has always been going on. Fear that the other guys are bigger than us, fear that we are small. (I don't call this insecurity because insecurity is too psychological a term. Not strong enough. After all, we live to fuck. If we woke up with a harem and food and a bed and a place to poop and a tv, we'd be happy. We wouldn't leave that room, ever.)
It's the vaginas. We don't know how huge they are. I'm not a gynecologist, but I'm guessing that for some women it's a sliver of a pinprick, others it's the Grand Canyon. We can't exactly shine a flash light in there and explore around. Unless that's part of how kinky you are. We have to guestimate.
So, we're left in the dark. But women, you can change this. Give us a gauge. Tell us if it's all the same. When you're masturbating, try and see how far it goes. Or, if I'm wrong, and it's all basically the Marinas Trench only wider down there for each and every women, tell us. At least that way we'll know. You can even do it with hand signals. For the left hand, pick a finger. Pinky for the smallest, then index, then ring, then middle. On the right hand, with your index and thumb, show how big it is.
And women, I know we ask a lot of you. Thanks for wearing shit that's uncomfortable, do things you normally don't want to do, for mostly us. Hell, even if I find it unattractive, I still gotta admire the girl with the rolls who wears the belly shirt and the thong showing.
But, if you do this, we'll know what kind of drilling we have cut out for us. If it's really small, we'll try not to reach up to your mouth. If it's large, we'll drill you so hard it'll make those 500 foot oil rigs seem gentle.
Really, a relationship is based on communication. That's what it's all about.
And really, anyone in a combat situation will tell you you need to check out the terrain before you go charging in.
Now, the reasons for this are plentiful. Porno thugs with penises nearly as big as mine. There's a whole other list of reasons for this, but I'll offer up another theory as to why penis fear has always been going on. Fear that the other guys are bigger than us, fear that we are small. (I don't call this insecurity because insecurity is too psychological a term. Not strong enough. After all, we live to fuck. If we woke up with a harem and food and a bed and a place to poop and a tv, we'd be happy. We wouldn't leave that room, ever.)
It's the vaginas. We don't know how huge they are. I'm not a gynecologist, but I'm guessing that for some women it's a sliver of a pinprick, others it's the Grand Canyon. We can't exactly shine a flash light in there and explore around. Unless that's part of how kinky you are. We have to guestimate.
So, we're left in the dark. But women, you can change this. Give us a gauge. Tell us if it's all the same. When you're masturbating, try and see how far it goes. Or, if I'm wrong, and it's all basically the Marinas Trench only wider down there for each and every women, tell us. At least that way we'll know. You can even do it with hand signals. For the left hand, pick a finger. Pinky for the smallest, then index, then ring, then middle. On the right hand, with your index and thumb, show how big it is.
And women, I know we ask a lot of you. Thanks for wearing shit that's uncomfortable, do things you normally don't want to do, for mostly us. Hell, even if I find it unattractive, I still gotta admire the girl with the rolls who wears the belly shirt and the thong showing.
But, if you do this, we'll know what kind of drilling we have cut out for us. If it's really small, we'll try not to reach up to your mouth. If it's large, we'll drill you so hard it'll make those 500 foot oil rigs seem gentle.
Really, a relationship is based on communication. That's what it's all about.
And really, anyone in a combat situation will tell you you need to check out the terrain before you go charging in.
posted by Marshall McMahon at 11:49 PM
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