I Feel For Janitors Now...

All right, this get's pretty vulgar, so don't look if you don't want to be grossed out.

It's about poopie, and where it doesn't belong.

Now, being a nerd, I attend a monthly anime night. During the course of the night, I felt the urge to go number 2.

It would quickly become, "The Shit Apocalypse."

I go to the bathroom nearest to where the anime showing was taking place.

In the first stall, a piece of fecal matter so large it could literally be classified as a "log" was there.
It wouldn't flush. It was an automatic one.

And that, my friends, is why I don't believe in automatic cyber-enhanced laser-guided flushing.

The second stall had shit on the seat. Apparently, someone's aim was lacking, or perhaps he had lifted himself a fraction of a second early.

Getting desparate at this point, I searched for the next nearest bathroom.

I walked to the end of the hallway where the anime showing took place.

At that bathroom, on the first stall, no relief was to be found.

There was shit on the ground.

Somebody had missed the toilet intentionally or unintentionally.

You know, I wish I could be more eloquent about this, make up some clever, devastating pun about this. But on the other hand, that statement by itself is shocking enough to horrify most of you into laughter.

I had a similar experience watching children's television lesbian gang rape - but more on that later.

The second stall, was finally free of feces.

However, the toilet seat itself was dirty as hell, covered with dirt, grime, and what I was sure were many kinds of easily transferable diseases, like an invading army of bacteria, ready to make a beachhead of my butt cheeks.

So, with the ultra-thin cheapo toilet paper protecting my ass from the myriad infectious diseases and possible cultures developing on that toilet seat, blessed relief was mine.

I got it in the bowl, by the way.

Somebody had left the newspaper behind from the first stall, which could be read from my stall.
For the sake of a good story, I honestly hope someone had the foresight to catch up on their current events but not enough knowledge to poop in the bowl.

But in any case.

I noticed that my shoelace was on the ground. This provided an impetus for me to get rid of the damned thing, as it had already shed its outer shell like a snake.

Now, keep in mind throughout this story, this isn't a dirty bar, or a third-world country, or whatever. This is a respected, notable university. Which has shit on the bathroom floor.

You know, I laugh at people who calls Western society "civilized." We teach this at a young age. It's not that difficult a concept. When you have to poop, you do it in the bowl, and then you flush.

Those who flush are civilized; those who don't, aren't.

I hope this is as funny as it sounds in my mind, considering that it's 2:48 a.m. and I'm tired.

For my next blog: Why the Japanese are f---ed up some more!