Double Patty, Hold The Sesame Seed Bun
So here I am in Toronto, trying to keep off the Freshman 15. I'm already overweight as it is, and I want to keep it at the nice stable flab it is right now. So, I skipped both breakfast and lunch due to various circumstances at the day, but I didn't really care, because I'm trying to keep some weight off. All I had was two donuts and some water during that time. So far, so good - I wasn't gonna be a fatty, oh no.
Then, came the late supper. (Wow, this is trivial). I strolled down to Harvey's - good old home style burgers.
Harvey's calls its burger "The Original Burger", but on whose terms? Is it their original burger? Because that doesn't really lend an air of authenticity to it; I could create a burger, and call it the Original Burger, but that doesn't neccesarily mean that it would be good or original, in any sense. Like Adam was the first man, is this the First Burger Among Burgers? Did the original Harvey get the bright idea to put a hamburger patty in between slices of a bun? Did hamburgers exist before 1959, when Harvey's was created? What is "Original"? I resolved to find this out by eating one of their Original Burgers. But there was a problem.
The dilemma was thus...the Original Burger, or the Original Double Burger? On the one hand, I was hungry; on the other, the spector of the Freshman 15 loomed, ready to consume me by filling me up. Would it make a difference if I got that extra patty? Could I have gone for another option? Did my not eating breakfast and lunch entitle me to getting that double patty? Do I go for double portions of fun or a single serving of healthiness? Did it matter either way? I was still asking myself these questions right up until the guy took my order. Finally, the moment of truth.
"I'll have...uh...let's see...I'll have the Original Burger".
And so that was that. Self-constraint had won. I would no longer be subject to my epicurean whims. I was my own man.
After that, I was still hungry, so I went to the convenience store across the street and got a chocolate bar. Twix. You know, the one with two bars.
Watashi wa Nihon-jin desu.
I am Japanese.
Then, came the late supper. (Wow, this is trivial). I strolled down to Harvey's - good old home style burgers.
Harvey's calls its burger "The Original Burger", but on whose terms? Is it their original burger? Because that doesn't really lend an air of authenticity to it; I could create a burger, and call it the Original Burger, but that doesn't neccesarily mean that it would be good or original, in any sense. Like Adam was the first man, is this the First Burger Among Burgers? Did the original Harvey get the bright idea to put a hamburger patty in between slices of a bun? Did hamburgers exist before 1959, when Harvey's was created? What is "Original"? I resolved to find this out by eating one of their Original Burgers. But there was a problem.
The dilemma was thus...the Original Burger, or the Original Double Burger? On the one hand, I was hungry; on the other, the spector of the Freshman 15 loomed, ready to consume me by filling me up. Would it make a difference if I got that extra patty? Could I have gone for another option? Did my not eating breakfast and lunch entitle me to getting that double patty? Do I go for double portions of fun or a single serving of healthiness? Did it matter either way? I was still asking myself these questions right up until the guy took my order. Finally, the moment of truth.
"I'll have...uh...let's see...I'll have the Original Burger".
And so that was that. Self-constraint had won. I would no longer be subject to my epicurean whims. I was my own man.
After that, I was still hungry, so I went to the convenience store across the street and got a chocolate bar. Twix. You know, the one with two bars.
Watashi wa Nihon-jin desu.
I am Japanese.
posted by Marshall McMahon at 10:38 PM
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